Archive for the ‘ Everybody Panic! ’ Category

News that Hits Home

Wings with the bite of the King Cobra, originally posted by @garciasn (http://www.flickr.com/photos/bill_roehl/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Wings with the bite of the King Cobra, originally posted by @garciasn (http://www.flickr.com/photos/bill_roehl/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Now this is journalism that matters. From KARE11-TV:

In a down economy the wing business has taken flight. According to the Perishables Group, a Chicago-based market research firm, wing sales have grown by 109 percent over this past year. At the corner of Dale and University, that trend has meant steady sales despite down times. Wings, it seems are a cheap luxury people still afford.

“Yeah, they seem to be holding back on clothes and that stuff, but, food, there’s always room for it,” adds Mann of the steady demand for his wings.

But with all that demand, the price of those flappers has skyrocketed. Local suppliers estimate prices have jumped 15 percent in just the past month. And that after a steady year of price gains. And, they see the price continuing to rise. Some speculate there may even be a shortage of wings come winter.

WTF. A wing shortage? As Job famously asked, why is the lord always messing with me?

Oh, Hell Nah

This is what I came home to today, after four days of fun and frivolity in Virginia Beach. It was like the opening scene in Fargo…

Ghost Wings Kick Our Butts

Bill Roehl, Danni, Josh and I represented the South Metro in the Ghost Wing Challenge Tournament of Champions at the Girvan Grille on Monday night. Once again, the whole gang at the Grille treated us like royalty (Note to FTC: The Girvan Grille provided me and the other 11 champions all the free ghost wings we could eat in 10 minutes, plus three free beers — Summit EPA in my case. Also got a nifty Vikings T-shirt and a bottle opener, courtesy of Anheuser-Busch).

After the challenge, we stayed to watch the Vikes dismantle the Packers and to drink a few more pints of cold, frosty beer. Check out Bill’s harrowing and hilarious write-up here. And watch the video of all the action below (courtesy of LazyLightning.org):

Girvan Grille Ghost Wing Challenge Tournament of Champions! from Bill Roehl on Vimeo.

The wings were hotter and saucier than the two times we ate them before. I tried to just plow through them with a minimum of pausing and/or breathing. A couple of the competitors whipped through three or four plates by the time I finished my second. So as I began my third plate, thinking I was out of contention, I slowed way down and ate just two wings in the final 3 minutes, bringing me to a final tally of 22. When the head chef counted the bones of each contestant, however, he disqualified half-eaten wings, giving the winner just 28 wings and second place just 27. Had I known I was that close, I would have powered through a few more.Yes, I am that stupid.

Danni and Josh both made it to 10 wings and stopped and Bill bravely met his goal of 20 wings, earning him 5th place. A couple of other competitors dropped out really early (did I mention the wings seemed even hotter this time?) and one of our challengers, who shall remain nameless — mostly because I don’t know his name — ended the contest by losing his wings in the men’s room stall. He probably felt a heckuva lot better than the rest of us later that night and following day. I was still dancing with the devil all day today, probably because I had warmed-up ghosts for dinner last night. The folks at the Grille made Bill and me up to-go boxes with a couple of dozen wings each, as well as a to-go pint of the wing sauce. Satan, get thee behind me. Never mind, you’re already there…

You Know What Else Scares Me?

That’s right. Evolution.

snake_sp_thumb

Behold, the of-course-it’s-poisonous-it’s-a snake with the single clawed hand!  Yes, you read that right.

From DangerousMinds.net:

An elderly Chinese woman who discovered a snake with a clawed hand protruding from its body was so scared she beat it to death, according to reports. Xiu Qiong Duan, 68, told the SINA Beijing news agency she woke up in the middle of the night to find the snake clinging to the wall of her bedroom.

“I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound … at first I thought it was thieves” she said.“I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw.”

Ms Duan, from Suining in southwest China, said she then grabbed a shoe and beat the snake to death.

What Keeps Me Awake at Night?

What one fear sends cold chills up my spine? What is my personal bogeyman?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Wait for it….
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Did I mention it was really scary?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|

ZOMG! It’s bearsharktopus!

bearsharktopus

Originally posted by CtrlAltDelYourFace

Here, Kitty Kitty

Where do you want to go to college, Katie? Where? Oh, Bemidji State. Did the admissions folks mention the abundant wildlife? No? Hmmm:

From the AP: BEMIDJI, Minn. — Wildlife researchers are trying to find out more information about a mountain lion that was hit and killed by a car near Bemidji. The mountain lion was hit on Friday night. On Monday, the cat was taken to Grand Rapids where Minnesota Department of Natural Resources researchers will perform a necropsy. Blane Klemek, a DNR wildlife manager in Bemidji, says the adult female cougar appears to have been a wild animal, because she didn’t have a collar and hadn’t been declawed.

Cougar Captured!

Cougars in the wild. Hide your childrens

Cougars in the wild. Hide your childrens

You might have read that the city of Seattle was on high alert and closed the city’s largest park after folks saw a cougar on the prowl (see photo above, captured by one of those DNR motion-sensitive cameras or something…). You’ll be relieved to know that the city — and its innocent, fun-loving young men — are now safe again (from The Press Association):

Cougar captured in Seattle park

Wildlife officials in Washington state have captured a cougar that has been prowling through Seattle and had forced the closure of the city’s largest park.
Department of Fish and Wildlife spokesman Darren Friedel said the cougar was immobilised with a tranquilliser and captured in Discovery Park.
Mr Friedel said an enforcement officer tracked the animal after authorities were told the cougar had been spotted on Saturday evening, the latest sighting in or near the 534-acre preserve north west of the city’s central area.

No word on whether or not the cougar was wearing a radio-tracking collar or one of those snug-fitting cocktail dresses.

Wingapalooza

Wings on the grill

Wings on grill, courtesy of @garciasn (http://www.flickr.com/photos/bill_roehl/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Bill Roehl and I continued our training regimen today, preparing for next weekend’s Ghost Wing Challenge (10 wings, slathered in bhut jolokia (“ghost”) pepper sauce, in 15 minutes = free T-shirt. w00t!) Despairing of finding any wings even remotely hot enough here south of the river, we decided to make our own. Bill marinated three pounds of wings in Frank’s and some cut-up cayennes for several days to lay down a base. Then we smoked them on my new grill, with mesquite and hickory chips soaked in (cheap, undrinkable) beer. We basted them with Bill’s marinade to keep everything moist. The finishing touch was a bath in one of two sauces — Original Anchor Bar Wing Sauce (Hotter formula) or Famous Dave’s Devil’s Spit BBQ sauce. Each of these sauces was amended beforehand with five, fat diced habaneros (seeds and all) and allowed to percolate for about an hour. Both sauces tasted much better after the peppers were added. Devil’s Spit is usually my go-to BBQ sauce when I’m eating ribs because it has a little bit of a tang and good flavor. Bill’s wife, Kim, Katie and Laurie ate brats — the wings were too hot for them. Nephew Michael ate the wings and declared them the best he ever had. Not braggin’. Just sayin’. Were the wings good? Just look at the picture below that Bill snapped as I ate. I look like an extra on the set of “Dexter.”

The horror! The horror! by @garciasn.

The horror! The horror! by @garciasn (http://www.flickr.com/photos/bill_roehl/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Gator? WTF?

Eagan gator, shown actual size

Eagan gator, shown actual size

Guess what the cops pulled out of a pond just up the road from us in Eagan? A gator. That’s right, global warming deniers. A friggin’ tropical lizard swimming around a pond in a residential area, trolling for chihuahuas.

Here’s a map showing our house and where the pair-of-boots-on-the-half-shell was found and subdued by Eagan Police (A), just a short gator hop from Chez Mooses (B). Gators don’t know how to use GoogleMaps, do they?

gator-map